A man in Oregon is accused of staging an elaborate his home invasion in an effort to cover up his theft of more than $700 from his daughter’s Girl Scouts cookie sales. This is a very poor guy. We all know what happened here because everyone has been in this situation to some extent. Old lady and kids are out of town. Dad has the place to himself. Daughter leaves a bunch of Girls Scout Cookies lying around. It starts off with the dad finding him sneaking in a few Samoas in between sessions of watching pornhub on his iPad and cutting his grass into perfectly aesthetic designs, it ends with $780worth of Girls Scout Cookies down the drain just hours later. And knowing that the wife and daughter are gonna come home and bitch bitch bitch and nag nag nag, landing some jail time for pulling a Jussie Smollett is a better fate.
I’ve seen it a million times.
I feel different men think different. Being alone in the same room as those things is a bigger test of wills than BUD/S training. You ever paired a do-si-do with a Miller Lite after doing some yard work? It’s fucking delicious. If there is any decency in this world the judge and jury will understand the pain he’s going through and let him off Scott free. The shits how he’s gonna be in at home is worse than any punishment the judicial system can hand him.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, GIRLS SCOUT COOKIES RANKED
The GOAT Girl Scout cookie. Pop them in the freezer and go to town on a sleeve or two at a time while watching Lucas Giolito and Yoan Moncada dominate the game of baseball. Truly a perfect cookie
• The chocolate shell is handcrafted with a mixture of love and happiness. Girls Scout Cookies Delicious
• It could be number 1, but a cold glass of milk is required to consume them. Dunk them for a few seconds, get them just a little soggy, and devour. Pleasant Peanut butter and milk is a great combo, don’t even think about arguing with me on this one
- Thin Mints
If it were up to me, Thin Mints would be at or near the bottom of the Girls Scout Cookies power rankings. If I wanted to taste peppermint I’d take a shot of mouthwash. I’ll rank them 4th through because people seem to enjoy them and I’m a man of the people. Don’t say I never did anything for yas.
- Toffee Tastic
An okay delicious cookie. Toffee is kinda gross IMO. But you can get by with this particular cookie again if it’s paired with a glass of milk. I’d choose this before Thin Mints personally but to each their own.
- Savannah Smiles
Now we’re getting down to slim pickings. Who in the fuck wants a cookie that tastes like a lemon? A fucking lunatic that needs to be arrested for pre-crime, that’s who. Willingly eating a Savannah Smiles unless it’s the only option is abhorrent behavior
- Tree Foils
The only person to ever enjoy eating bland, tasteless crackers like this is Jeffrey Dahmer. Tree foils are a fucking embarrassment to the cookie community. Pretty sure this is what they hand out at church for confirmation or whatever, and that tells you all you need to know about the foils. Girls Scout Cookies special Cookies.
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